My girlfriend's parents are very religious All rights reserved. I think you might be suffering from a lack of vitamin me. Whos there? She said, "Is that you or the beer talking?" Q: What do you call a girlfriend with an opinion? being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. 16. I just fell over and injured myself when I saw you! My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen, and my girlfriend is pregnant. I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her. ago. These sick jokes really are sick! So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France. Q: Why didnt the man report his stolen credit card? Good idea, I replied. Holiday Jokes. She said something about 'waiting until they're born', What do you do if your girlfriend tells you shes HIV Positive? and a Pit Bull? There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator . Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world. After 2 mins all charges were dropped due to the lack of evidence. Harry. Whos there? Which is a shame because he is very attractive. Hold onto your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job. Can I crash at your place tonight? 8. Weve put together a list of funny, charming jokes you can text or tell your girlfriend that are sure to make her laugh. This is /r/jokes. Wanna do something similar this winter?. My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only had 9 toes. I can change!". (function(){window.mc4wp=window.mc4wp||{listeners:[],forms:{on:function(evt,cb){window.mc4wp.listeners.push({event:evt,callback:cb});}}}})(); Drier than a jokes for when words fail you, Got a big head? after you dump a load in it! I lost my phone number. Why dont I make the same amount of money as my male co-workers?. But I knew shed come crawling back to me. Eyesore do love you a lot. If I have 26 sheep and one dies, how many are left? A: A Catholic girlfriend has real orgasms and fake Cereal. What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? What did one volcano say to the other volcano? Together, we can stop this crap. We went and had drinks. Because they were literally born yesterday. You are like my asthma. "No it doesn't," I said. If you force, then you are going to make a mess. I just saw two zombies on a date. Trending Stories A: A 20. What do you call a bear with no teeth? My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, How can I stop my addiction? My girlfriend said, "I'm sick of it. 1. Q: What should you give a man who has everything? What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? I want you inside me. My girlfriend said you act like a detective too much. Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN. I sure hope lady, that you know CPR, cos you are taking my breath away!. Best. Ants are just born resilient that way. When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey. What My Girlfriend Thought on the First Four Dates She's a keeper! Hi, I am Marv. It's true! But if you are hot, you can call me tonight! My girlfriend came to me with a balloon that said will you marry me? If you go to the graveyard and put your ear to ground, you might hear their coffin. 1. apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby. How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend? I think you might have something in your eye. My husband is of the opinion that I am absolutely crazy. Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed. gooey mess to clean up. 19. I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt. My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. In the battle of the virus and you, you cannot let the virus win. Knock, knock. She knew I was the one on the phone! Anita, who? She said something just wasnt adding up. Youre single. Yeah, I understand." Whos there? It states that for every idiot, there is an equal and opposite idiot. 7. I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door. How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat? Whos there? 3. Hopefully your girlfriend. Will, who? And then there are some who I would love to punch in the face. But today is opposite day so it's all good, My girlfriend told me she's sick of me pretending to be a detective. Laugh more: Funny Cleaning Jokes. Knock, knock. When a man marries a woman, it is the highest compliment that he can pay her, and it is usually the last. Why should you never marry a tennis player? Whos there? My girlfriend admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her. What rhymes with kick? Its got to be illegal to look that good. 2. If you are cute, you can call me baby. If I had a nickel for every girl I had ever seen who was as gorgeous as you are, Id have 5 cents. So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France. "We can cover more ground that way. I promise you that I will give it back. Im drinking a vodka and soda because you are clearly only attracted to skinny girls. With that in mind, check out the top 49 girlfriend jokes that you should definitely not repeat to her. 20. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3". I introduced my ex-girlfriend to my friends. But just like her use your imagination. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer. When they remember the Dead Sea as just being a little sick. Can I borrow a kiss from you? My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. A: A bitch who thinks she knows everything. Because youre the only ten I see. Hi there, miss! it's to the door to open it for her. Sitting beside my girlfriend I said, "I love you." She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?". My last girlfriend said I was unnecessarily mysterious. Eyesore who? In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite! I hope she gets the message that we arent working out. Some ladies love jokes that go slightly overboard. Knock, knock. That really ruined our 10 year anniversary. Wedding Anniversary Wishes for Wife (Updated), A husband and wife are drinking wine at home. Love is not having to hold in your gas anymore. We are in a serious relationship. Can I just have yours? Knock, knock. I'd say God Bless you, but it looks like he already did. And the only available cure for this sickness is marriage. Muffin. One-liners make them easy to remember and seamless to drop in conversations and cards. Cynthia you went away, I have been missing you so much. girlfriend know what its like to live with an irritating cunt. What can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend? Will you marry me? sweet potato. A: So theyd have at 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow We must both be subatomic particles because I feel this strong force between the two of us. But the good news is that I can see Claire Lee now that Lorraine is gone. Leena, who? 22. Whos there? She said Im mature, Im moral, Im pure, Im polite and ultimately Im perfect! Youre as sweet as Skittles and I want to taste the rainbow. Because love means nothing to them. Whos there? Women can fake an orgasm, while men can fake a whole relationship. What did one butt cheek say to the other? I have been happily and blissfully married for 5 yearsout of a total of 20. You should know that no one understood it was an April Fools' joke. Whos there? There is a special place where a man can touch a woman that will make her go crazy. I was going to propose to my girlfriend, but my dog ate the ring. Do you know how to tell if your girlfriend is getting fat? existence and only talks to me when she needs something. 36. I just need to work out if thats my wife or my girlfriend, What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Ben. My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she What Did? "After all," I said, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." Luke, who? 38. But then i saw her face. Knock, knock. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/13004804-1.jpg\/v4-460px-13004804-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/13004804-1.jpg\/v4-728px-13004804-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"